Thoughts

My self esteem was broken. It made me realized again that the self esteem is merely a ego or a mental image of the self. This is how people feel superior or interior based on the beliefs.

After what happened to me, i have thoughts that are telling me that i have lost, i am weak, i mean nothing to that person, i am insignificant, worthlessness. I am aware of those thoughts but the pain feelings is unavoidable. I can only accept it and let it pass. No matter how much compassion or love you have, there is no avoid for emotional pain.

Self esteem is merely a illusion but we are so in connected with that false self. Our mind will desperately seek to find reasons or to understand why but it serves to feed that false self esteem. There's no possible truth answers to be found in our mind because beliefs are always conceptual, never the truth. You don't find the truth from what you believe, it isn't rational. In cases, you reacted from those beliefs and made the wrong actions. The beliefs can be thoughts, feelings or emotions since they originated from the mind, not the heart.

When you lose something, you feel interior. When you gained something, you feel superior. If you can see it, it is a very weak sense of self that can be easily changes. Anything can bring you down easily if your sense of self comes from your esteem.

I have a 'knowing' that one has to find their 'true self'. I experienced it before several years back when i am in deep confusion. It was a beautiful awakening back then. In our human state, one may be only able to find the spiritual awakening through suffering.

Here's a good article - http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-uncomfortable-feelings/