The relationship hole

Relationships are not meant to fill in the hole but to add to the whole of who you already are.

In the past, I was unconscious mistaken by relationships and unconsciously using it to fill in the 'hole' or the sense of lack with my partner. Of course, there's true love involved but the ego's sense of control tends to creep in. The ego mind creates a sense of unsatisfied, lacking, fear of loss, jealousy and so on. Soon afterwards, you will be demanding on how your partner should be/should be not in order to satisfy you. True love comes from the acceptance of your partner. I only realized it after the loss.

We have built bigger shopping malls, bigger playground, desire to be more and more attractive... all for the sake of filling in or covering up the deep sense of loss/lack. We want to gain more and more; more friends, more connections, more knowledge, becoming more enlightenment...There's nothing wrong with learning unless you are using it to be 'more'. We often use distractions to fill in the hole that will always be unfilled.There's why we are always doing and seeking to escape looking inwards.

The mind tends to be always convey thoughts of lack. The lack can comes from comparing yourself to someone else. "She has more friends than me, he is more talented than me." or " i have nothing". These thoughts are illusion of gain and loss but they felt real because of the emotions that comes with these thoughts. You feel 'good' when you have more than the other person. That's why we often craves to be 'more' so we can feel good about ourselves. It's not about growing anymore, it's about having power to control, having the power to be above everyone.

There's only the joy in learning, exploring and creating. There's no ' I do it so that i can be above someone '. Passion is joy.